“Last week was the scariest of the Trump presidency,” Stephen Colbert declared Tuesday night. “To put that into perspective, that’s like being the drunkest Real Housewife, because nothing Trump has done has been more alarming than his appointment of new national security adviser—and mustache who grew a man—John Bolton.”
The Late Show host described the latest addition to Team Trump as “one of the neo-cons who got us into the Iraq War,” and the man who “also wants to bomb Iran and North Korea.”
“It’s all explained in his top-secret plan, ‘Operation I’m an old man and I’m taking you all with me,’” Colbert joked.
Bolton was famously passed over for the position of secretary of state early in the Trump administration because the president was reportedly not a fan of his “bristly, full mustache.” That “makes sense,” Colbert said, because “you want a nice, smooth upper lip on the guy you’re hiring to kiss your ass.”
But the host said he wasn’t “surprised” that Trump ultimately decided to hire Bolton given his position as a commentator for Fox News. “Trump also hired TV friends like The Mooch, Heather Nauert, and Jay Sekulow from Fox,” Colbert said. “And he got Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross from The Walking Dead.”
“Trump does so much hiring off of Fox News, chances are his next press secretary is going to be a self-lubricating catheter,” Colbert concluded.